I Loved and I Loved and I Lost You
by darkangel9314
Summary: After a terrible car accident claims both of their brother's lives, Damon and Elena turn to each other to overcome their grief, but will what really happened that night tear them further apart?
1. Chapter 1

I Loved and I Loved and I Lost You

Chapter 1

Elena

The cold harsh winters days was setting in as Elena look down at her brother's plot imagining him laying in the casket in there. Tears streamed down Elena's face as a hand squeezed her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. She didn't want anyone to touch her though all she wanted was her brother back, but that was never going to happen. She had lost her brother the moment a drunk driver ran him off of the road and his car had wrapped around a telephone pole.

The police had dismissed the case, because there was no one to convict for it. The other driver had died along with her brother from the impact, but she didn't feel sorry for him. He had chose to drink that last beer, he had chose to climb into his car, put his keys into the ignition, and drive on the road. Her brother hadn't chose to die the guy behind that other wheel had and she would never forgive him. She just hoped that wherever his family was they were ashamed of themselves for raising such a selfish son.

Damon

Damon looked down at his brother's grave as he pulled his coat closer to his body wondering what the hell had his brother been thinking that night. Why the hell had he drove his car drunk? Did he ever think about the consequences of his actions? Not only had he killed himself when his car had flipped over off the road instantly killing him, but he had killed another person. A person who had a family. A person who had a life with just as much potential as Stefan did. He couldn't imagine what the other family was going through, but he did know that his family was having a hard enough time as is.

The trail had never gone to court nor had the other family found out who really killed their son only that he had died alongside him, but it didn't mean that Damon's family didn;t feel the weight of Stefan's decision. His family was in shambles and it was without a doubt well deserved.

He grabbed a handful of dirt from the ground and placed it on Stefan's grave letting it slip through his fingers as he shook the leftovers off when he was done. Giving Stefan's grave one last look Damon turned around and went to live the rest of his life not knowing that the consequences of his brother's actions were far from over.


	2. Chapter 2

I Loved and I Loved and I Lost You

Chapter 2

Elena,

"And don't forget dear, if you need anything don't hesitate to call."

Elena smiled at Mrs. Lockwood refraining the urge to roll her eyes. She knew that She was just trying to be nice, but it really wasn't something she wanted to hear right now after hearing it consistently for the past six hours. She felt as if she had to get out of there and she had to get out of there now.

"Thank you Mrs. Lockwood, I'll keep in touch."

Mrs. Lockwood smiled back at her as Elena quickly shut the door behind her as her Aunt Jenna handed her a glass of champagne to help with her nerves.

"Thank you." she said taking a sip.

"I figured after today you could use a drink."

"I might need a lot more than this, but thank you for the starting drink of the night."

"Are you planning on going out tonight?"

"I know it must seem shallow to you, but Jeremy was the only member of my immediate family that was left and I just don't want to go through another day where I'm grief stricken. I've been through it too much and it's always the same process. I want to try a different approach tonight. No matter how risque it may seem."

"Just do me one tiny favor tonight."

"And what would that be?"

"Just be safe please. I've lost a lot of people I care about too and I don't want to lose you too."

"You won't." Elena said with a reassuring smile as she hugged Jenna.

Her aunt sighed as she pulled away from the hug and touched a strand of Elena's hair frowning in dismay like she usually did when it came to the way Elena liked to style it.

"What is it now?" Elena asked in an irate tone.

"Nothing. But if you really do feel like going out tonight I would take a shower first and doll yourself up. You don't know how much attending to your own personal needs can make you feel better."

"Fine. I guess Elena Gilbert will make an exception for this one night."

"That's my girl. Just let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks Jenna."

Jenna smiled at her as Elena walked up the stairs and into the room where she had stayed since she had turned seventeen years old. Now that she was twenty one and still living here she felt as if she needed a change. And tonight would be the perfect night to start her newest goal.

Sighing she went to her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot from the tears she had shed at the funeral and it was a wonder why her makeup wasn't as smeared as she thought it would be. Leaning into the mirror, Elena took out her ponytail and looked at herself a little closer. Man she really did look rough. She guessed that was what grief did to a person.

Elena unzipped her dress and took off her jewelry carefully laying it on the sink as she went to her shower and turned it on. She gave a slight smile in anticipation as she stepped into the steaming hot water hoping that somehow that would drown her sorrows. She knew from experience that it wouldn't, but sometimes it was nice to pretend that it would.

This hadn't been the first time Elena had dealt with grief this extensive when she had been the sensitive age of sixteen her parents car had crashed through a bridge leaving them there defenseless against the drowning water. When she had heard about it both her and her brother had been a mess, but they had been able to move on with their lives since then. But now she had to deal with the loss of her brother as well and she wouldn't lie to herself when she said that it hurt like hell. At least she could say she still had her Aunt Jenna, but no matter how much Jenna tried, she didn;t compare to the family she had been raised with no matter how hard they had tried to make it work.

Shutting off the shower head, Elena stepped out of the shower and reached out for her towel to wrap around her. Jenna had been right about a shower being one of the few things she had needed for the night, but Elena wouldn't let her grief take her down into a dark depression like it usually did. She needed to be out and about surrounded by people whose lives were happier than hers just so she could be away from it for a while. The grieving process would still be there waiting for her when she got back from the bar tonight.

She wiped the steam away from her mirror as she grabbed a makeup removing wipe and removed her excess makeup revealing her real face underneath all the makeup. It was funny how different a person could look underneath all of their makeup. Elena felt as if she was no exception to that.

Once she was done, she threw the makeup wipes in the trash and headed for her closet to see if she couldn't find anything for tonight. But everything she looked at just felt wrong. A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts as she walked over and opened it to see who it was.

"Having trouble?" Jenna asked as if she was psychic.

"How did you know?"

"Let's just say I've had a time or two where I had no clue what to wear."

"Well it appears as if I'm having one of those times."

"Glad I could help."

Elena smiled at Jenna as she rummaged through her closet and pulled out an outfit that she thought Elena would look great in tonight.

"I haven't worn this dress in a couple of years. I'm not sure if it'll even fit."

"Well it's never too late to find out. I'll give you some time alone."

"Thanks Jenna."

She smiled at her as she shut the door to allow Elena to get dressed. Elena put on the outfit and smiled that it still fit her. Jenna had picked out a maroon bodysuit with strings down the front that tied the shirt together and a pair of dark skinny jeans with a pair of booties that she absolutely adored. She curled her hair putting it in a ponytail and applied a fresh new face of makeup before she went downstairs to grab her keys. Jenna smiled at her as she grabbed for her keys.

"Well I was right that outfit does look good on you."

"Thanks for helping me pick it out. I'll catch you later."

"Later."

The bar seemed slow but steady when Elena entered it. Jenna would probably have killed her if she realized that the bar Elena was talking about going to was a dive bar snuggled deep into the city that her and Jeremy used to go to all the time. She thought that if she had went there that she would be closer to her brother somehow, but after more than a few drinks she found out that wasn't really the case.

"Can I get a double scotch on the rocks please?" A voice said from beside her.

"Coming right up." the bartender said as Elena turned around to see who he had been talking to.

Elena looked over to where the voice had came from and sucked in a breath as she took in this ravishing creature next to her. His hair was as dark as the night sky and his eyes looked like the most beautiful blue she had ever seen. Underneath his black button up shirt, she could see the structure of his muscles and she could almost guarantee herself that if she looked down then he would sure as hell be equipped down there also. She licked her lips for once tempted by a guy she had met in a bar as he looked at her surprised to see someone sitting next to him.

"Did you want something else to drink miss?" The bartender asked making her feel older than she already was.

She took her eyes off the gorgeous man looking at her and plastered on a fake smile for the bartender as she thought of something that she could get.

"I'll have what he's having." she said making a gesture towards the handsome man.

"Are you sure you can handle that? It may be more alcohol than you think." the bartender asked hesitatingly.

"Did she stutter?" the man answered from beside her.

"No, but-"

"Than I suggest you get her drink and put it on my tab."

"Coming right up."

"Thanks, but you didn't have to do that." she said looking at him.

"I wanted to. Let's just say I'm on this real kick for helping people lately."

"Wish I could say the same, but sometimes life throws you this enormous set of curve balls and you just can't help but feel like you're being nice for nothing."

"I wouldn't say you're being nice for nothing, but I do see the point that you're trying to make."

"Thank you. Some people really wouldn't. Some people would just automatically try to fix me out of the get-co."

"Luckily you don't have to worry about that with me. From my fair share of experience I know that that never works out the way that you want it to."

"Exactly." she said as the bartender put her drink down.

She took one sip of it and grimaced. Maybe she wasn't as hardcore as she thought she was.

"Maybe next time you should get a single serving." he said.

"Yeah maybe I should." she said chocking a little bit

"So what brings a nice girl like you to a place like this?" He asked using a question as old as time.

"What makes you think I'm a nice girl?" She asked taking another swig of her drink.

"Let's just say that I'm good at reading people and you don't really strike me as the type of girl who does bad things."

"How would you know that though? I mean you don't even know my name."

"Well you are right about that. So tell me does a girl such as yourself have a name?"

Elena laughed thinking that this guy couldn't be worse at flirting with her, but than again if he was a great flirt she would probably not be as intrigued.

"Alright first of all you must be drunk if you think that's a great way to get to know a girl and two yes I do have a name just like everyone else on the universe. It's Elena."

"Pretty name. Seems fitting as well."

"Alright I'll bite, What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I've noticed a lot in my life that sometimes when a person has a name that sometimes that name doesn't fit that specific person. For example say if someone was named Charity and they were the most selfish person in the world therefore letting down their namesake."

"But when you think about it, it's our parents who chose the name we go by for the rest of our lives not the other way around and naming a kid something that they have to live up to might cause them to become a little bit rebellious."

"Hmm pretty and smart. I like those qualities in a woman."

"What about you?"

"Well sometimes I like to think I'm pretty and smart, but that depends on a person perception like I might think I'm an attractive guy, but you on the other hand might find me as attractive as a sack of potatoes."

Elena laughed hardly able to contain her smile for the first time that day.

"That's not exactly what I meant. I was actually asking you what your name was."

"Oh well now I'm just embarrassed."

"Don't be, we all have those moments and besides I find you way more attractive then a bag of potatoes, you're at least the equivalent of french fries."

"Now whose being weird?"

"In all fairness you started it."

"You do have a point."

"So are you ever going to tell me your name?"

"Well seeing as how you told me yours it's only fair. I'm Damon." he said extending his hand out to hers.

"Well Damon thank you again for the drink."

"You're welcome. I know how it feels like to need a drink."

"Well it seems as if you are really good at reading people."

"It's not always a gift. Sometimes it can get me into a lot of trouble."

"Sometimes trouble isn't all that bad."

Damon smiled as he held up his glass.

"To trouble."

"To trouble." she said clicking her glass to his.

"So trouble, you never did ask my question."

"And which question was that? There's been so many."

"What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dump like this?"

"I guess I just needed a change of pace. It's amazing what you could accomplish when you do something out of your comfort zone."

"And what is your comfort zone?"

"Safe." she answered looking down into the drink she hadn't even realized she had almost finished.

"Safe isn't always a bad thing to be. It's a basic human comfort that we all find pleasure in."

"And what do you find pleasure in?" she asked not realizing what she had asked before she had asked it.

"Interesting way to phrase a question, but I guess as a human being I find pleasure in the simple things, food, clothing, family, sex.." he said drifting off.

"Well it's not hard to see how you find pleasure in all of those things."

"It's very easy to find those things if you know what you're looking for."

"Yeah I guess you're right about that."

"So what did you come here looking for?"

"I guess I came here looking for a way out."

"A way out of what?"

"The disappointments and tragedies of life."

"Well I guess that is something to escape from."

"What about you? What are you here to escape from?"

"A really bad day if you could even put it that way."

"Well I guess we all need a way to escape the bad day every once in a while."

"So how do you want to escape this bad day Elena?" he asked looking at her with those gorgeous blue eyes.

Almost as if she were another person she got up off her chair and walked up to him getting really close hoping that she wasn't pushing her limit with him. After all they had just met, but for the night she didn't really give a damn. She was throwing caution to the wind and she had to admit that it felt damned good.

"I guess I want to be bad." she said leaning into him and kissing those luscious lips.

He got down from his bar stool and brought her closer to him as she revealed of the heat from his body. Their kisses continued as Elena touched every part of him not wanting to stop at just that. Sometimes being bad really did feel good.

Before she could figure out what was fully happening he pulled away from the kiss and took her hand navigating her forward.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

He guided her into the bathroom and locked the lock on the door as he checked each stall for feet.

"Good. We're alone." he said smiling.

"What do you-"

Before she could say anything else, Damon pressed his lips to hers as he hoisted her up onto the sink. She smiled on his lips pressing herself closer to him as he worked to get the button of her jeans undone. She couldn't believe that she was really doing this in a bar bathroom, but she had promised herself that she wanted to live, so she be damned if she didn't live every second of her life as spontaneously as she could.

Before she knew it her jeans were gone as he looked down and frowned.

"What is it?" she asked wondering what had made him stop.

He pulled on her romper and looked up at her with a hungry stare.

" I really hate these things. It makes it harder to do the things I want to do to you."

"So get rid of it." she said hoping down from the sink as he pulled the romper off putting her back on there when it was gone.

"I like the way you think."

"And I like the way you feel. Want to show me more of that?"

"It would be my pleasure."

She smiled as their clothes feel away and he entered her now wet folds. She couldn't believe it. She was actually having sex in a bathroom. The door rumbled as her moans got louder and louder. The banging started at the door as Damon started a slew of cuss words exiting her and pulling up his pants as he went to open the door.

"Do you mind?" he asked as the bartender narrowed his eyes at both of them.

"Yes I do mind, this is a public establishment and I don't need your ruckus driving away my business. Now both of you get out before I call the cops for public indecency."

"Whatever. Can we at least get some privacy to get dressed?"

"Fine, but you two better hustle or I won't be as kind."

Damon snared as the bartender shut the door and Elena started to get dressed sad that they couldn't continue this or could they.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. I mean it's not like we're in our own movie. I mean they're are other people on this universe that don't include us. We were stupid to think that we wouldn't get caught."

"What if we had a place where we wouldn't be get caught?"

"I'm listening."

"Well I do have an apartment on the other side of town. We could continue this at my place if you're interested."

"Well it does sound like a tempting offer."

"So what do you say Elena? Do you want to get out of here?"

She smiled at him giving him a kiss before grabbing his hand.

"It's like you read my mind."

He smiled as he took her hand and lead her to his apartment where they continued the rest of their night .

The sun shined through the curtains making Elena wince as she pulled the covers up above her head to block it out. That was the last time she drank more than her limit. She smelled the cool, crisp smell of the sheets and inhaled peacefully. She may not have known Damon pretty well but at least he had great taste in laundry soaps.

Sighing, she threw the covers off of her body and set her feet down on the floor looking around the room that looked like pretty chill place to hang out at. Yawning, she stretched out her arms and got up off the bed to go to the shower hoping that she could catch one before she left.

Gasping, she closed her eyes embarrassed that she had just walked in on a naked Damon shaving. Even though she had slept with more than a few times last night, she found out that she didn't have as much courage as she thought when she was sober.

"I'm so sorry. I thought you were out or something and I was just going to grab a shower before I left for my classes for the day."

"Classes?" he asked seeming somewhat surprised before she realized that she really hadn't told him anything about herself before they had slept together.

"Yeah I take some classes here at the community college for nursing, but my ultimate goal is to be a doctor one day."

"Well that's quite ambitious."

"Not that ambitious when it comes to my family."

"Trust me I get the feeling."

She smiled as she walked closer to him and gave him a kiss.

"So is it okay if I grab that shower?"

"Only if I can wash your back for you."

"You make a tempting offer. Count me in."

Damon smiled as they headed into the shower. The water fell between them as they soaped each other up and gave each other kisses. Elena could freely admit to herself that she could get used to this that is if Damon ever wanted to see her again. Who knew if this was a one time thing or not, but one thing she knew was that she was planning on enjoying it for as long as she could.

He pulled away from the kiss gently rubbing soap on her tummy as she placed her head on his shoulder.

"You feel great." Damon said with a smile.

"You know I really won't be able to get clean if you keep trying to make me dirty."

"So does that mean you want me to get out and let you shower in peace?"

"It's not that I want you to get out of the shower it's that I need you to get out of the shower or else I'll be tempted to skip my classes today to hang out and get to know you more."

"That's not really such a bad thing."

"It is when you're a struggling med student who wants to be a doctor."

"Okay, fine, You win. Just at least have breakfast with me before you leave so you could at least get a nutritious meal before you go."

"I guess I can make that small negotiation."

"Sounds great. I'll go start the coffee." he said with a kiss before hoping out of the shower.

Smiling she finished her shower and got a towel wrapping it around herself and walking back into his room sighing. She didn;t have anything to wear except her clubbing clothes so she got on her bra and pants and walked back to where Damon was cooking bacon while a pot of fresh coffee was brewing.

"You know I might dig the bra and pants look for school, but I think your professors would frown upon that."

"I know, but my shirt smells of cheap booze and bathroom floors so I was wondering if I could go ahead and burrow one of yours, I promise I'll give it back when I'm done with it."

"Yeah. Sure go ahead and burrow whatever you need."

"Thank you, I won't be long."

"I hope not."

Elena smiled as she walked back into his room and opened one of the Chester drawers by his bed. She pulled one of his shirts out pulling it over her head and stopping dead in her tracks when she noticed what else was inside.

Elena picked up the photo in the drawer and gasped at what she saw. Damon had his arm around a boy that Elena knew all too well from the photos and the police reports. Her hands shook as she looked at the picture of Stefan Salvatore, the guy who had been in her nightmares for the past few days. The man who had killed her brother. What the hell had she done? And how did Damon know this piece of trash human being?

Not thinking clearly, Elena took the picture and walked into the kitchen throwing it on the kitchen counter and crossing her arms over her chest hoping she looked as menacing as she felt. Damon turned to her as he looked at her in concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"You tell me. What is this?"

"Where did you get this?"

"It doesn't matter. What is Stefan Salvatore to you Damon? Why is he in that picture with you?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because this son of a bitch killed my brother, because he was careless. Now how do you know him?"

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"You're Jeremy Gilbert's sister."

"Yeah I thought everyone was aware of that."

"Not everyone."

"Oh my God. You were a lot more than his friend weren't you?"

"He was my brother."

"Oh my God." Elena said grasping onto the counter. "I just had sex with Stefan Salvatore's brother. Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Elena, please. You have to believe me I didn't know who you were when I hooked up with you."

"It doesn't matter. Whatever happened between us was nothing, because I can have nothing with you."

"Elena, please-" Damon said coming towards her.

"Don't touch me."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Well obviously thinking isn't one of your families strong suits."

"Did you seriously just say that? You're not the only one who lost their brother you know."

Elena looked at him speechless. She couldn't stand here and have him defend his brother's actions when the scars from losing her own still hurt.

"I better go."

"I think that would be for the best."

Elena nodded as she gathered her stuff and walked out of the apartment careful to not let her tears fall as she thought about what the hell she had just done.


End file.
